Week Two
This week has been quite something. I think that I have integrated myself into the house, but then something happens and I feel so far away from everyone. I exclude myself more than they exclude me. I try really hard to put myself out there and be vulnerable around them, but I honestly don't want to be involved. I feel safe when I am alone and that way nobody catches your words and throws them back at you. I try too hard not to be judged and I know that. I spent the majority of the day today procrastinating my homework with other work that I definitely didn't need to complete this soon.
I completed my resume website today and shared it with a friend and then their roommate saw it over Erick's shoulder and expressed interest in me doing a project for him. I feel like I have too much going on to take anything else on though. I also don't feel extremely confident in my web development skills to do a big project for anybody else yet.
I am incredible nervous for tomorrow. Tomorrow I have my first day as a Teaching Assistant and I keep going back to the thought in my head saying, "you are an introvert really good at appearing as an extrovert". I keep telling myself that and I know when I get to class tomorrow I will be able to talk and maybe stutter a little and not make eye contact with anybody, but I will be able to get my point across. I am much better at talking and teaching one on one.
Whenever I get stressed the upper right area of my back hurts and I know I may just be trying to connect things that aren't necessarily connected, but I had shingles on my back in that area when I was in 5th grade. You aren't supposed to get shingles in 5th grade and that says a lot about my personality. I am and old lady at heart and my entire self is surrounded in stress and stress influences all of my actions and behaviors.
I also think that my back hurts because my bed is too soft which I never thought would be a problem because I love things that are soft, but I think that my back isn't getting enough support and that is causing more pain. I should really pay more attention to my back and it's pain, but I haven't an idea where to start and whenever I think about chiropractors I think about the insurance that doesn't cover those appointments which I have.
This week was interesting and different. It started off really well because I got to school really early and read the powerpoint for computer science theory. Between classes I was able to see friends and afterwards I met with Jenna and Raheema two friends which I haven't hung out with together since last year and it was good to chat. I then set off to Canandaigua to see my boy and that was extremely relaxing and it felt as if I had spent an entire weekend with him.
The next day I went to my classes and then almost immediately went home because I really wanted to nap and then continued to spend the rest of the day doing work/nothing.
Thursday I was supposed to see my boy, but I wasn't able to because we both got really busy and that made me sad, but I knew that I would be able to see him Friday night. I was going out to Geneva with Circle K and Geneva is only like 19 minutes away from Canandaigua. That night we went out to Friendly's which I hadn't been able to go to in a really long time because I haven't been financially able. The service wasn't the best, but I am glad that I got to experience the quirks of the food industry with my boy.
We then headed back to Canandaigua where we got to cuddle and watch movies and sleep together in the same bed. I have always been addicted to the feeling of somebodies arms around me and when I am with Kevin it feeds my addiction. I miss him being around all the time and being able to talk to him about little nothings that I put into this blog.
I feel like me and Kevin are so distant when we are apart, but when we get together I remember that we are two of the closest people. We called each other almost every night last week and that made me so happy and made me feel like I was back in last semester. These last few days I could've spent with Kevin and I wish he was around when I was at home doing stuff, but I am really glad that he has been able to go home and do things with his family. I wish I could also go with him, but I need to get stuff done here.
Gosh, I need to do homework and also wish I was on the phone talking to Kevin about this and not talking to the computer.
I completed my resume website today and shared it with a friend and then their roommate saw it over Erick's shoulder and expressed interest in me doing a project for him. I feel like I have too much going on to take anything else on though. I also don't feel extremely confident in my web development skills to do a big project for anybody else yet.
I am incredible nervous for tomorrow. Tomorrow I have my first day as a Teaching Assistant and I keep going back to the thought in my head saying, "you are an introvert really good at appearing as an extrovert". I keep telling myself that and I know when I get to class tomorrow I will be able to talk and maybe stutter a little and not make eye contact with anybody, but I will be able to get my point across. I am much better at talking and teaching one on one.
Whenever I get stressed the upper right area of my back hurts and I know I may just be trying to connect things that aren't necessarily connected, but I had shingles on my back in that area when I was in 5th grade. You aren't supposed to get shingles in 5th grade and that says a lot about my personality. I am and old lady at heart and my entire self is surrounded in stress and stress influences all of my actions and behaviors.
I also think that my back hurts because my bed is too soft which I never thought would be a problem because I love things that are soft, but I think that my back isn't getting enough support and that is causing more pain. I should really pay more attention to my back and it's pain, but I haven't an idea where to start and whenever I think about chiropractors I think about the insurance that doesn't cover those appointments which I have.
This week was interesting and different. It started off really well because I got to school really early and read the powerpoint for computer science theory. Between classes I was able to see friends and afterwards I met with Jenna and Raheema two friends which I haven't hung out with together since last year and it was good to chat. I then set off to Canandaigua to see my boy and that was extremely relaxing and it felt as if I had spent an entire weekend with him.
The next day I went to my classes and then almost immediately went home because I really wanted to nap and then continued to spend the rest of the day doing work/nothing.
Thursday I was supposed to see my boy, but I wasn't able to because we both got really busy and that made me sad, but I knew that I would be able to see him Friday night. I was going out to Geneva with Circle K and Geneva is only like 19 minutes away from Canandaigua. That night we went out to Friendly's which I hadn't been able to go to in a really long time because I haven't been financially able. The service wasn't the best, but I am glad that I got to experience the quirks of the food industry with my boy.
We then headed back to Canandaigua where we got to cuddle and watch movies and sleep together in the same bed. I have always been addicted to the feeling of somebodies arms around me and when I am with Kevin it feeds my addiction. I miss him being around all the time and being able to talk to him about little nothings that I put into this blog.
I feel like me and Kevin are so distant when we are apart, but when we get together I remember that we are two of the closest people. We called each other almost every night last week and that made me so happy and made me feel like I was back in last semester. These last few days I could've spent with Kevin and I wish he was around when I was at home doing stuff, but I am really glad that he has been able to go home and do things with his family. I wish I could also go with him, but I need to get stuff done here.
Gosh, I need to do homework and also wish I was on the phone talking to Kevin about this and not talking to the computer.
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